Kiddie Tales: It’s never too early to meet The Doctor

One day, Babu driver was driving a train through a forest. Amma was his helper.

In the middle of the forest they heard someone calling, “Help! Help!”

Amma and Babu went to see who needed help. They saw a large pit with two elephants inside.

Not two, Babu said. There are one, two, thwee, fowr, fowteen, twenty… infinity* elephants inside!

“Oh! Infinite elephants in a finite pit? It’s a Quantum Anomaly!”, Amma said. “Only P-Aunty** can understand it!”.

Amma called P-Aunty who came in and said, “It’s a crack in the fabric of spacetime. Elephants are coming in from the other side. You did the right thing by calling me.”


“Gasp! A crack? Do we need to call The Doctor?”, Amma said.

“P-Aunty is the doctor!”, Babu said.

Yes, indeed. Dr. P pulled out her sonic screwdriver, pushed the elephants back, and sealed up the crack.

Moral of the story?

Source: Pinterest
Source: Pinterest

* I taught Chotu the word infinity on a whim. The Hero had gone out of town for a couple of weeks and I wanted him to come back to a kid who said “Infinity”. This is how romance works in The Goddess household.

** Our resident quantum mechanic. We’re still looking for an engineer but she’ll do meanwhile

A parent’s greatest enemy

A parent’s greatest enemy is low blood sugar (to use my MIL’s term) or plain old hunger (to use the normal term). Not the child’s. The parent’s. The Hero prefers to replace the term low sugar with low caffeine.

After careful observation (and bitter experience), I’ve come to the conclusion that humans don’t really grow up after age two. Oh, physically and intellectually we probably do but emotionally, in thew ways that really count, not so much. We develop sophisticated language skills and rules of civilized behaviour in order to distance ourselves from these deceptively tiny human beings but underneath it all, I am convinced, the whiny and irrational toddler rages strong. All it takes is a trigger. Hunger is a prime trigger.


Here are some examples of things I’ve said to/about Chotu – with fullu feelings to match – before my morning coffee-tiffin:

He should understand how hard it is for me when he doesn’t want to get dressed in the morning.
The Hero, though totally un-caffeinated at the time, knew better than to react. He did roll his eyes, though…

Chotu kanna, let’s get ready! Don’t you want to go to school?
And what answer does one expect from a kid on Monday morning?

If you wiggle while getting dressed, Amma won’t put on your clothes, ok deal?
Have you ever met a toddler who’s objected to nudity?

Chotu! If you don’t drink your milk I’ll give it to the pussy-cat!
Chotu was all excited about going out to find said pussy-cat.

Chotu kanna, sometimes you have to listen to Amma whether you like it or not! Now come here!
Despite the high level of self-righteousness in the preceeding statement, when one doesn’t actually give out whacks on the bum, such threats are basically empty and lead to more “Ooh! Mommy made funny screaming sound. Let’s see what else does that!” experiements. Sigh! Yes Dear, you were right all along.

(to The Hero) Urgh! It’s all your fault that I have to go to work.
The wise man replied, “The kid would still have to go to school…”

Barring a great medical breakthrough in the field of personality transplants, our kids are stuck with the parents they’ve got. So today I resolve to cook myself breakfast before I make Chotu’s lunch. I also resolve to make pulav and raita for lunch every Monday morning.

Fuzzy Quotes

I’m a little mentally exhausted from the sort of thing I’ve been writing for a while now. Mommy guilt, gay marriage, internet stranger judgment, making a case for cooking, coming up with stories to make Chotu eat, it’s been exhausting. So I’m just going to share a few moments for Chotu’s growing-up log.

Amma: Chotu, can I get a kissie?
Chotu: Yesh! (mwah!)
Amma: Thank you sweetie. How about for Nanna?
Chotu: I had only one kissie and I gave it to Amma!
Amma: Chotu, are your kissies over?
Chotu: No, I have more!
Amma: Where?
Chotu: Umm… In my tummy! (points at tummy with his kutti finger)

Amma: Chotu, did you sleep on the mat in school today? What a big boy you’ve become!
Chotu: I slept on pillow also!

Amma: Chotu, don’t eat┬ápaper. Are you a goat?
Chotu: No, Babu is Engine Driver!

Chotu: Nanna is gas cylinder.
Amma: What?
Chotu: Babu coal engine driver. Amma gas engine driver. Nanna is the gas cylinder!

Amma: Chotu, let’s go and play
Chotu: If the green ball is not there I’m not going to come!