A-Z Glossary of Indian Cleanliness

Attitude: Something to be thrown about liberally in order to appear as though one is doing something about pressing civic issues while actually sidestepping the problem. Frequently shown by celebrities, media, politicians, and NGO’s.

Broom: An evil object that emasculates Indian men the moment they even glance at it. Must not be touched by men!

Civic Sense: A foreign import that threatens to destroy the fabric of Indian culture. Swamis encourage Indian women to have 10 children each to fight the evil influence.

Dustbin: An evil object that must be worshiped at all hours of day by piling garbage at its feet.

Excreta: Fancy term for dog/cow/human/other poop that decorates all pavements.

Flies: Spread diseases only if they land on our food. Believers in Ahimsa allow them to thrive everywhere else.

God Photos: Only known repellent of public spitting (see S) and public urination (see P)

Hawker: Ultimate believer of Ahimsa who allows F to season food and overlooks E and A. Uses G to ensure patrons remain alive after consuming fare.

Idiots: Word frequently heard from behind windows of lamba gaadis when said window opens for passenger to throw a wrapper (see W) on the street.

Jail: Measure said to be effective against littering in Singapore.

Kick in the Backside: Likely a measure more suited to India than Jail (see J).

Laughter: Only known defense against despair brought about by the situation.

Mosquites: Erroneously and unfairly attributed side-effect of garbage. Actually caused by stagnant water and open drains frequently found near garbage.

Not my problem: Also heard from lamba gaadis together with Idiot (see I)

Oink: Did you know that Pigs and cockroaches are the ultimate processors of garbage?

Public urination: Can only be stopped by G. A standing right in India.

Quick! jump over that bit of poop!

Road: Man-made feature that demarcates Home (area to be kept clean) from outside (area for dumping garbage). Usually cleaned nightly in most cities. Frequently decorated with Wrappers (see W).

Spitting: Quietly replaced Hockey as India’s national sport.

Toxic Waste: Unrecognized term! Electronics, batteries, medical waste, etc pose no harm to ground water…

Uncleji: Frequently seen waving stick at “street children” looking for recyclables in garbage. Usually found indulging in national sport (see S)

Vacant Land: a.k.a public dumpyard

Wrappers: Frequently thrown out of lamba gaadis to decorate roads.

eXtreme? eXcreta? eXhausted? Ok, guys, give me a free pass on this one..

Yeh India Hai! Yahan sab kuch chalta hai. Justification given for littering that should ideally attract Kick on Backside (see K)

Zzzzz: Cows/dogs sleeping in garbage who would be rendered homeless if we actually solved the problem…

Inspired by The Great Indian Litterbug happy-hours topic at Indiblogger. The Great Indian ToI gallery.


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