For the longest time I’ve been convinced that our culture is more than a little misogynistic. Not just that. I think it’s also more than just a little cruel. I’ve called it culture all this while because I never really did want to contemplate the possibility that it’s not just Indian culture, it’s also Hinduism I’m angry with. Because this opens up, you know, a whole big bag of badness and makes you start thinking about the very idea of God(s).
See, it’s something like this. If there is a God, why is there so much suffering? Why do such meaningless, horrible things happen? Why are babies killed and people oppressed and HIV and war? If there is no God, then why such pointless violence over a very creative and complex myth? Why do we kill over something that’s just our imagination? Either way, what is the point? I’m just very unable to wrap my head around this whole concept of religion anymore.
I’m at a point where I don’t really think much about God. At least not a God who listens to prayers and chooses to give to some and take away from others entirely arbitrarily. I’m not sure I can really believe in such arbitrariness. I really can’t believe that all of creation is an accident either. I’m a little like the ancient people who needed to worship the wind and the sun because they were forces they didn’t understand. While I know that there are people who understand the wind and the sun, I really don’t get anything about the Big Bang. And despite being friends with a physicist, I certainly don’t understand where the Big Bang came from.
Is that unknown God? I can’t believe that either. I can’t redefine my idea of God every single time I’m able to grasp a the tiniest sliver of a new scientific theory. Instead, I’m starting to view God less as a force and more as a state of being. I’m starting to view God as perfection. As the very essence of creation and not necessarily as a deity.
If I did have to believe in a supreme being, I’ll choose a kick-ass Goddess who the male powers turn to when they can’t figure out what to do. And I’m quite sure this Goddess would never take people being horrible to other people as just their fate or bad previous life karma. I’m sure my inner Goddess doesn’t want me to put up with sexism even if it’s been institutionalized over millennia.
No, the next time a priest blesses me with a long married life, I’ll ask him to just bless my husband with a long life and me with good ol’ happiness. Or better still, I’d appreciate it if he’d just say nothing at all. I’d rather just be able to deal with things now and stop nonsense now than put my trust in future lifetimes. I’d rather tell people they’re being jerky to me now than to hope that their karmic balance will work it all out at some point in the future. I’d rather just try and find my own strength than pray to a higher power to take care of me. Because what I’d really like is the ability to channel my strength to deal with whatever comes my way than to guess what might be the easiest path in life. If after that, I still get a wish, I’d wish for the strength to help someone else deal with what life deals their way.