Six years ago today, i wrote this:
And today, as I type this, I’m sitting in office, fixing bugs in someone else’s code. And I’m being paid about the same as I was all those years ago.
Raises a lot of questions about what I’ve done with myself all these years and whether any of it has been really worth it. I wouldn’t trade in my years in the US for anything. Despite all the cribbing, whining and homesickness, we had a good time. Despite the fact that I didn’t really want to immigrate, I miss the place. And for what it’s worth, I enjoyed my Master’s program. It could have been better, but it was still good. But now that I’m back, it’s as though I was never really away. No one but I has a value for those days. And I have no regrets except for the fact that I couldn’t get a PhD.
I love being back in India. I love being a low-paid outsourcee-code-monkey. The pay doesn’t really bother me as much as I’m bothered by the idea that not being bothered by my lack of pay seems to reflect a sort of lack of ambition. It always comes down to that. The people who know me seem to think that I can do a whole lot more with my life. I should be out doing Important Things and making Significant Money and making a Positive Change.
My mother thinks I should make more of an effort to keep my eyebrows well shaped and my skin clear and glowing. My father seems to think that I am not as much of a workaholic as I should be. My husband thinks I should start music lessons soon. My brother thinks I’m an idiot for having made the choices that I have – he would never admit it but I’m positive he thinks it. My in-laws think I should give them a grandchild soon.
Sure I want to do all those things – except the workaholic bit, I think. Yet I’m perfectly happy where I am. And it’s perhaps the first time in my life that I’m really happy being where I am. Does happiness and contentment imply a lack of ambition? I do want a better paying, more challenging job. I do want to write less code at some point. I do still dream of a kucheri of my own some day. And I do think that we’re ready to be parents. But what about all the great stuff that’s going on in my life right now? Isn’t that reason enough to be happy?
At some point, once you have a great marriage, your health, a job, a car, a rooted Android phone, and a well stocked kitchen, you have to start thinking of other things as white whines or first world problems.
So, there you have it. You now know why my blog’s been so quiet lately 
