I just can’t seem to fall asleep. I’ve done everything I could to put myself to sleep. Had a big dinner, cleaned the kitchen, watched Friends on youtube, commented on random pictures on Orkut… Everything!
I’m back into one of my countdown modes again. This time, I’m counting down till I move out of Evansville and move back to be with my husband. Afer a year and a half of being married, the next few months will be the first time we actually get to live together for longer than ten days.
The distance seems to be taking a toll on me at last. Not to mention the constant moving. I seem to be living in a time of constant, accelerated, change that started the moment I quit my first job in September 07. Since then, I’ve been engaged, married, shuttled between my parents’ home and my in-laws’, quit my second job, moved to the US, moved to school and moved again for my internship. Throw in a bit of disorientation from the worst winter anyone remembered, a roommate from hell, a year’s worth of medication and you’ll get somewhat close to what’s been happening in my life. Of course, before that, there was the idiot God sent to make me value my freedom who destroyed all peace and quiet in the process.
In the midst of this all, I’ve managed to write a couple of hundred blogposts, keep my friends, do well at work in India and at my internship, keep up my grades, sing in public again, not grow too fat (despite the medication), learn a bit of kickboxing, work 12 hours a week, build our marriage, built my habit of daily puja, make a few new friends, earn a drivers’ license and other bla bla bla bla life-in-the-US related stuff and also make killer dal makhani.
I’ve also been able to visit Chicago, New Jersey, Indianapolis, St Louis, Nashville, Louisville, Cincinnati, San Diego and the Smoky Mountains. Not to mention live in northern, central and southern Indiana.
There’s more change coming up. We’re going to relocate soon. And I’m going to move into a phase that I’ve never encountered so far (knock on wood). It’s called unemployment and limited income. Well, I’ve been on the second for a year now, so that’s different.
I have no clue how I’m going to survive the next few months and what I’m going to do if I don’t find a job. As each day passes by, the chasm between my life in India before my parents decided to “settle” my life (ha! the settle part is a joke, if I’ve heard one) and the life I live now seems to widen. I seem to be experiencing a range of umm… experiences that no one else around me seems to have. Some have the finances and relationship part, others have the marriage and studies part, yet others have the gave-up-my-job-and-am-quite-broke-part. But not marriage, long distance, almost-broke and studying all at once.
Now, this seems to be a good time to insert a disclaimer that I don’t think I have troubles, I just need a good rant. But then again, I only care for the people who understand that, so…
Where am I headed with this post? Is that the question you just asked? Nowhere.
I’m just playing out the choices I made out loud. Some are choices, others are defaults, yet others are the natural progression of things.
So… It almost seems ok that I’ve not been my “usual self”. It’s been so long since I’ve been my usual self that I don’t even remember what she was like anymore.
Someday, I hope to have the time to get to know my “new self”.And I hope that is before I change again…
