So, today, I was thinking back about all the guys in my life. From crushes to bad dates to good dates to break-ups to rebounds to what-was-I-thinking to what-was-he-thinking to the guy I am with now.
The first crush I had honestly embarrasses me now. And I shout loudly and refuse to listen when old friends bring up the topic 
My first love was a roller coaster. Perennial highs and self-inflicted lows. The only memory that stands out clearly is writing 50 pages of a metrology lab record for an injured guy with my own exams less than a week away. Shows, the lengths to which I go to make the ones I love happy… I shake my head in disbelief now…
My first marriage proposal was received after a single coffee date. What to me was disastrous was, apparently, what he wanted for the rest of his life… For some reason, it made me realize that it’s not too hard for a tall-fair-slim-convent educated-engineer girl to get marriage proposals. Cynical and uncharitable? Perhaps. But very true.
My first meet-the-match was a disaster. The only two things I remember of this are wanting to dump coffee on the guys head and run as far away as possible the first time I met him and thinking “Thank God we’re vegetarian” when he said “Wow! there’s so much choice”, while carefully flipping the menu at dinner three times on our second meeting.
It’s so evident now why none of these could ever work. Quite evident that these guys were all disasters. Messed up at a certain level though outwardly polished. And it’s quite evident that they were not really disasters either. That there was something salvageable in each of them that made the relationship seem worth it then though it doesn’t seem so now.
What attracts people to each other? It’s a question I’ve been trying to find an answer to for a long time. I know when I meet someone if something will work or not. Not just romantically. There are people you know will be around forever no matter what. People you know are good friends now but will not be for too long. There are people you know you can never get along with no matter how hard you try to make it work. And there are people who make you forget all that nonsense and live in the moment. But what is it that truly attracts one person to the other? What makes us want to give some relationships a try even though we see a stone wall not so far ahead? What makes us trust? What makes us give into moments of madness? What makes us steal moments we seal away forever? Are there answers for these questions, really?
At the end of oh-so-many encounters with people and experiences mostly bad, would a person still believe in love and relationships? Does each person fight the baggage the other carries from past relationships? At some level, I would say yes.
When I see the wonderful guy I married, I am sometimes relieved that I don’t have to face that madness ever again. No creeps, no over-enthusiastic Galahad’s, no egoistical maniacs, none of the characters that single women seem to encounter on a daily basis. But at some level, I feel glad I met them. Nothing else could have helped me appreciate the right guy more…
