Simbly Bored

I’ve been trying to curb a habit lately. That of dissecting the names that appear before me.

Over the last few years, I’ve become acutely aware of the demographics that are at play in a culture like ours. And it is ever so easy to take a name and trace it right to the roots.

Of course, one cannot but distinguish Ram from Rahim and Rose; but it’s the subtler distinctions that I am talking about here. Should the Acharyas and Bhattacharyas be considered any different from the Choudhary’s? Are the Rathore’s different from the Noor’s? Is a Sharma different from a Sethi?

The first divide that I encountered was that of North and South. On an average a North Indians have two names, while South Indians have three (or more). Or so the kids in school believed. For years I felt lost without a so called surname and joined the ranks of the dozen or so Khattas and Khattis around. When you introduce yourself to someone from the North of the Vindhyas, they would ask you, “What’s your family name?” and someone from the other side of the mountains would ask, “What’s your initial?”

As a South Indian growing up in the North, I would feel an inordinate and inordinately irrational sense of joy when I encountered the name Reddy. Here was living proof that South Indians, and specifically Andhrites (the tams seemed to get by with their fathers’ names), could have a “proper” last name too…

But time passed and the demographics got more intricate. The Sharmas and Sastry’s seemed different from the Reddy’s and Choudhary’s for no real reason. Surnames and diet preferences seem to segregate the thread wearing from the non thread wearing; (though as per the shastras the latter should be negligible in number). And now comes the “big question” what do you do after you make the distinction?

Yes, you can group the Sastrys and Shastris and Sharmas and Sharmas and Pandeys and Mishras and Dwivedis and Chaturvedis and Acharyas. But then what? Does that change anything? Not really. Would you stop being friends with one? My grandmother might, but I wouldn’t. Would you not employ one? Of course you would, if you’re right in the head. But the divide exists nonetheless. And that is what disturbs me. Ah, an

Acharya, what would he know of running a business, some say. But what makes you think that a Patel is any better?

Names are dangerous. They lead to sterotypes. You can’t look at a person and tell what they are or are not good at. Why should we look at the name and decide? I’ve decided to consciously try and not separate the demographics from the name for a while. And I want to see if I’m any worse off for it.

I was clearing my favourite drawer today, the one that contains all the girlie stuff. And I did some listing out. (my favourite activity, appears productive without actually being so)

What does a girl really need in her wardrobe and her makeup/accessories drawer? A question that’s baffled mankind for centuries… Here’s my take:

Clothes:

• Five saris (heavy, flowing, transperant, wildly printed and all extremely sexy)

 

• Five kurtis (for lazy weeks. include a white chikan one that you can team with blue jeans)

 

• Five salwars (for everyday wear when aunties/grannys are around)

 

• Five captioned T-Shirts (for the prove a point types, like me)

 

• Five normal, plain, slightly oversized T-Shirts that can graduate to the gym and then sleep (by which time they would have also acquired a degree of sentimental value), preferably one or two flicked from a guy (for feel fat days)

 

• Five extremely girly tops

 

• One pristine white, well cut, just the right curves, formal, button down shirt

 

• Five pyjamas (for those who prefer do the laundry once a week)

 

• Two pairs of shorts (to laze around in)

 

• Two pairs of jeans (that last a month without washing)

 

• One pair of formal trousers (just in case)

 

• One pair of cargoes (for weekends)

 

• One pair of capris (for weekends and to show off smooth as silk legs)

 

• Absolutely NO Embroidered Jeans!

 

Shoes:

• One pair of floaters/comfy shoes that go with all jeans

 

• One pair of dressy heels

 

• One pair of sandals that that go with most salwars

 

• One pair of comfy sneakers

 

This list of clothes and shoes doesn’t, of course, count the dress up stuff.

Make Up:

• Compact (the right shade, please. Grab another shade if you’ve tanned to avoid looking like ramseys B grade Bhoot)

 

• One clear gloss

 

• One pink gloss

 

• One shiny glittery thing (for dress up evenings that can be worn over other colours too)

 

• One red lipstick, preferably non transferable (coz it will be worn on occasions where you might carry an oh so tiny purse that will not hold the right touch up stuff)

 

• Lip liners if you have the patience, the right shade and know how to use it. Most of us don’t and look like disasters

 

• One neutral brown lipstick, neither glossy nor matte (that can be worn to work)

 

• One shade of glide on lipstick that does justice to your complexion

 

• A six shade eye shadow compilation that will double as highlighter when worn with the right brush (that starts with a silvery white and ends with a dark brown) wear multiple shades only if you know how to blend. again, most of us don’t have the required degree in fine arts

 

• Eyeliner

 

• Kajal (for casual summer evenings)

 

• Mascara (for dress up occasions. there are better things to do in office than worry about mascara)

 

• Foundation and concealers are for the babes who wouldn’t be reading my blog

 

Accessories:

• Two pairs of studs

 

• Two pairs of ethnic dangling earrings

 

• Two pairs of funky dangling earrings

 

• Whatever neckwear you prefer

 

• One witch like ring

 

• One normal ring

 

• Bangles of all types (matti, glass, metal, yellow metal, bracelets)

 

• Cute anklets

 

• Two good belts

 

• One pair of good shades that complement the face

 

• Three bags (one fancy party type thing, one all encompassing backpack that holds gym clothes, emergency chocolate and more and one normal thingie)

 

Necessities:

• Face wash

 

• Face scrub

 

• Light moisturizer

 

• Sunscreen

 

• Moisturizing Cream

 

• Effective cleanser

 

• Deoderant

 

Emergency Supplies (hope to never need them):

• Anti pimple cream

 

• Off the shelf face pack

 

• Blackhead removing strips

 

If you’ve made it till here, please note that I’ve not talked about hair care in this post

A girl should own and definitely know how to use this stuff (especially the sari ) but whether she actually uses it… ummmmm… well…

Many a worried parent has made a trip to the family astrologer (yes, there exists such a concept) carrying a horoscope on yellowing paper (25 years is a long time) and a heavy heart.

And the astrologer has, true to the last rudraksha on his body talked about the evils of shani, rahu and ketu and insisted that things will be better two years hence.

The parents return, and it is now the turn of the family priest to play the role of saviour. Milk, oil (if its shani we are talking about) all sorts of grain, lamps, black, white, red or whatever-the-colour-he-demands cloth and of course the usual flowers, camphor and incense are procured and offered to the offending celestial body.

Suddenly, the fates smile. The visa (if its a son the parents are worried about) or the bridegroom (in case it’s a daughter, plays same role as visa, though) appear and cause much celebration in the family. All is well and the holy men were right. We must do this the next time something goes wrong.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m all for astrology. Anything that helps you make an honest living (or in the case of our family astrologer, who sits on the mountaintop dispensing advice for welfare of society, fruit) is fine by me.

But what bothers me is the hullabaloo they make over the poor planet with rings. Seven years of hardship, they say. Fine. But do you think you could have a brilliant life without hardship? Has it ever occured to you morons that possibly, just possibly, it’s the so called hardship that brings out the best in you? Humans are a species who celebrate pleasure. I’m no masochist myself, but somewhere, I believe that it takes all kinds to make a good life. A dash of shani, a whiff of rahu, some trouble with mangal (and a tree for a husband like Aishwarya Rai) Guru smiling beatifically from above… Everything. I’m sure when the Gods gift us our destiny they make sure that you get everything you could ever possibly want, but none of it for free.

Why all this fuss over a few bad days or years? You’re alive, healthy and strong. That’s what really matters. Right?